Entries in category "Dreams"

Twice this week I've woken up to dreams that have stressed me out, and I'm not one to remember my dreams very well!

In the first dream, somebody was trying to kill me by setting laser traps. I walked through a laser tripwire outside my apartment door and it set off a bomb (I survived, but got incredibly paranoid through the rest of my dream). 

In the dream last night, I somehow went back in time to February 2010. For better or worse, I had lost the last 16 months of my life. Given how tumultuous that period was, I was not happy to find myself at the beginning of it all (although I remember having one thought: "Christ, what stock (that I know about) will outperform like crazy? Answer: TZOO locks in a nice 700% gain). 

But after the intial shock had died down, I started acting on what I knew would be problematic - I got ahead of problems at my old job. I avoided certain people in my life, who I knew would be troublesome. 

But the saddest part? All the great experiences I would have - the people I would meet - they would have to happen again. Sure, it's kind of fun to relive the day ones, but they seemed so ... contrived. 

This seems to be the basis for a great Hollywood drama movie. Would you chase after all the things in life you wanted if you knew the outcome, or would you set a new path for yourself and try to let it happen naturally? (I guess this kind of was the "Butterfly Effect" - although I'd focus the movie more on career choices for yourself)

Anyways... glad I'm where I am now. Wouldn't trade the people and my life for anything... and I'm pretty sure that had I gone back to Feb 2010, I would have accelerated rykorp's inception (although there were so many good things that came from the last few months at MT). 

Posted by roy on July 2, 2011 at 08:41 AM in Personal, Dreams | 1 Comments

I've had sleep paralysis dreams before, and they're frightening (but on the upside, I have had flying dreams, which are pretty awesome). Generally, the sleep paralysis dreams follow the same pattern: I find myself "awake," and aware that my head is face down in the pillow. I try to move over on my side, since I have trouble breathing, but find I can't. This generally leads to anxiety as I worry if I'm going to suffocate in my sleep... then I summon all my strength to turn over, and the dream usually ends.

But last night's had a twist. I dreamt that I had woken up, and there was a guy in my apartment. He was mumbling, "money money money" - I couldn't see him directly, but i could see his shadow against the wall.

I tried to get up, but I couldn't. I tried to turn over and move my blanket away from my face, but find I couldn't. I reached over for my phone... which I was able to grab (to call 911), but as soon as it was in my hand, the phone disappeared.

It was a freaky-ass dream: I really freaked out - and with all my focus, I focused on sitting up. And when I did, the dream ended. I didn't even realize it was a dream until I woke up...

Posted by roy on November 26, 2010 at 03:25 PM in Dreams | 3 Comments

I miss my flying dreams.

My dreams have been getting worse lately. I've had this particular dream two or three times now, and it always sucks when I have them.

In this dream, I can see myself sleeping (I'm in the third person view). As I sleep, I can sense that I'm having trouble breathing.

As the dream progresses, I have more and more trouble breathing. I can feel myself suffocating. I tell myself to wake up, or turn over ... but nothing happens. It's not that I'm being actively suffocated - it's just that my body is not breathing. In my dream, I know that all I have to do is turn over, or wake up. But as much as I try, I can't.

A wave of helplessness washes over me, as I can't control my body. I'm watching myself suffocate myself, and I can't do anything about it.

Sometime during the dream, I switch from the third person back to the first person, and I can feel myself struggling in my mind to move ... but nothing happens. I'm paralyzed. 

I'm not sure if, at this point, if what I'm seeing is a dream, or if it's really happening. I feel very awake during the whole episode, but I've had that same feeling before when lucid dreaming. (It's sleep apnea, except I'm fully aware of what's happening)

It's a very sucky dream to have.

. . .

Very interesting - Wikipedia has an article on sleep paralysis:

Physiologically, sleep paralysis is closely related to the paralysis that occurs as a natural part of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which is known as REM atonia. Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the body paralysis persists. This leaves the person fully conscious, but unable to move. The paralysis can last from several seconds to several minutes "after which the individual may experience panic symptoms and the realization that the distorted perceptions were false".

. . .

Fortunately, I'm pretty sure this is not a physiological one, but a mental one. I've been under a lot of pressure at work lately, so I know once the presure from work subsides, this'll get better. (It seems that I always think that it's not possible to get more pressure, but then it happens - part of growing up, I suppose). 

I'm fortunate in the sense that I am, at least, not so helpless. I exert enough control over my teams to shift directions when necessary - I can enact change if necessary. I can't imagine how helpless I would feel at a larger corporation, if I were a high-level, not being able to directly control the direction of my team - to have that power stripped away due to the inherent size of the company (how well could a VP of Engineering at Yahoo! shift gears?)

Currently listening to: red hot chili peppers - under the bridge
Posted by roy on April 27, 2009 at 12:29 AM in Dreams, MindTouch | 9 Comments

I swear, magenesium makes you dreams go into HD. I had an incredibly vivid dream last night, which smacks of that Tom Hanks movie "Cast Away" and that Russell Crowe movie about hostages.

Basically me and some friends go backpacking/camping in South America. While camping, we get kidnapped by a bunch of bad guys who whisk us away into some far camp (it takes weeks to get there). While there, a massive earthquake unleashes the rickety wooden damn, which frees us from our captors. With no money and no passports, we trek our way back north. For reasons unknown, it takes us half a year to get back.

When I return, things have changed. People thought we were dead and moved on with their lives. Interestingly enough (interesting because obviously the job is on my mind a lot lately), MindTouch became a smashing success - I had a convo with Aaron in the dream, which was super awkward, cause I was basically replaced and had no role to come back to. My parents and friends had all been transformed into different people.

I woke up feeling incredibly depressed. It's hard to think that life doesn't stop - people keep moving on with their lives and they change.

Actually, I think this is one of the plot sub-texts in Futurama which really stuck with me - my favorite episode was the one about Fry's dog.

Anyways, if I were to ever graduate from writing really crappy short stories to writing really crappy incoherent long stories, I'd probably focus on the themes of change - how people will always move on with their lives.

Posted by roy on December 10, 2008 at 07:30 PM in Ramblings, Dreams | 6 Comments

I awoke prematurely from my slumber at 7am this morning. Sadly, this has been the norm lately - sleep troubles have been plaguing me since Christmas (so what else is new?)

This time was different. Normally I wake up, check the time, curse myself, and fall back asleep. But on this morning, I woke up with a song in my head.

My dreams tend to fall into one of two categories: ones where I'm flying away from something, and ones which would make really awesome cinematographic movies. Sweeping landscapes are accentuated with light (sometimes I dream of the rising and setting sun, sometimes it's the northern lights ... in every case, it's a friggin' breathtaking view).

Last night was a dream of the latter. Somehow I woke up, and the song that was playing against my grand landscape was in my head as I regained consciousness. And I have to say, it was pretty catchy.

Fortunately, I had the fortune of having paper and pen close to my bed, so I quickly jotted down the lyrics of the 4-stanza song and fell back asleep.

The song's contents are rather inconsequential (the lyrics are embarrassingly bad), but the fact I managed to wake up, scribble down the lyrics (which are cohesive and have lyrical rhythm) was pretty cool. This had never happened before. Finally, my dreams are seeping into reality! Now if I just had the power to turn my lucid dreams into reality ...

Posted by roy on January 30, 2008 at 01:23 AM in Personal, Ramblings, Dreams | 1 Comments
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