I miss my flying dreams.

My dreams have been getting worse lately. I've had this particular dream two or three times now, and it always sucks when I have them.

In this dream, I can see myself sleeping (I'm in the third person view). As I sleep, I can sense that I'm having trouble breathing.

As the dream progresses, I have more and more trouble breathing. I can feel myself suffocating. I tell myself to wake up, or turn over ... but nothing happens. It's not that I'm being actively suffocated - it's just that my body is not breathing. In my dream, I know that all I have to do is turn over, or wake up. But as much as I try, I can't.

A wave of helplessness washes over me, as I can't control my body. I'm watching myself suffocate myself, and I can't do anything about it.

Sometime during the dream, I switch from the third person back to the first person, and I can feel myself struggling in my mind to move ... but nothing happens. I'm paralyzed. 

I'm not sure if, at this point, if what I'm seeing is a dream, or if it's really happening. I feel very awake during the whole episode, but I've had that same feeling before when lucid dreaming. (It's sleep apnea, except I'm fully aware of what's happening)

It's a very sucky dream to have.

. . .

Very interesting - Wikipedia has an article on sleep paralysis:

Physiologically, sleep paralysis is closely related to the paralysis that occurs as a natural part of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which is known as REM atonia. Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the body paralysis persists. This leaves the person fully conscious, but unable to move. The paralysis can last from several seconds to several minutes "after which the individual may experience panic symptoms and the realization that the distorted perceptions were false".

. . .

Fortunately, I'm pretty sure this is not a physiological one, but a mental one. I've been under a lot of pressure at work lately, so I know once the presure from work subsides, this'll get better. (It seems that I always think that it's not possible to get more pressure, but then it happens - part of growing up, I suppose). 

I'm fortunate in the sense that I am, at least, not so helpless. I exert enough control over my teams to shift directions when necessary - I can enact change if necessary. I can't imagine how helpless I would feel at a larger corporation, if I were a high-level, not being able to directly control the direction of my team - to have that power stripped away due to the inherent size of the company (how well could a VP of Engineering at Yahoo! shift gears?)