Hey everybody, a serious post lies ahead, so if you don't want to ruin your beautiful Thursday afternoon reading drivel, I suggest you stop here :)

So, I've been asked to join the company out in San Diego. I've been wanting to get out of Chapel Hill for a while (talk is cheap), so this presents an excellent opportunity. But there's a huge part of me that's reluctant to this change ... it's so odd. I'm young, single, no real commitments anywhere (of course, being a commitment-phobe has a lot to do with this) - wouldn't anybody jump at the opportunity to live in sunny San Diego?

Now, I love what I'm doing. I love my job, I love the people I work with, and I have a strong belief in the success of what we develop. Whether that translates into business success is the big question for me.

The company's offered full relocation and a lateral pay raise for the move to SD, which is very nice of them. However, when I did my calculations, I'd have even less disposable income than I have right now (living at home = 0 rent), which isn't very appealing. I've also had the inkling that I've been getting severely underpaid for the 18 months or so I've worked for the company, and having to live with even less free cash isn't an appealing situation for me.

As lame as this is also going to sound, I don't want to leave my mom here. My dad had to relocate cause of his job to Kansas City a while ago, and he flies back every two weeks, but with my sister also off to college, my mom's gonna be lonely. True, I don't see her very often (I'm locked up in my room most of the day), but I think it'll be tough for her to see me go across the country. I would feel a bit better if she had a bunch of close friends here, but she doesn't have as many friends as she used to (and there's been some MAJOR church drama lately that's been stressing her out). I also don't want to leave my sister behind ... I don't see her very often, but I still enjoy seeing her once a week or so and teasing her about boys. Who will I tease if she's not around?!

The whole family situation aside, it's also tough for me to wrap my head around the financials of the move. I'm running large server bills which I haven't worried about since I'm not paying rent - I think I need to sit down and calculate exactly what this lateral move is gonna cost me and see how that works out. I'm willing to take a small pay cut, but not much. I already get the sense I'm not getting remotely close to what I should be making, but I'll ignore that feeling.

Not to mention that a start-up isn't a sure thing. I could be busted out on my ass in a few months with less money than I started. But it's all for the experience, right?

What bothers me more is that in a sense, I'd really be committing myself to MT. When I get frustrated with MT work at home, it's easy for me just tell myself my upside is linked more to my own projects and brush off those frustrations. If I'm working there, I feel I'll be investing a lot more to the company and a lot less to my own projects ... in a sense I get the real feeling that I'll be abandoning my own stuff and my own future for a future linked with MT.

And this isn't even mentioning the fact that I'll be leaving behind a very close group of friends whom I've gotten to know quite well over the past few years. I'm not one to make new friends very easily, and starting over in San Diego will be tough. When I was living in Korea, I made 0 new friends outside of work. I feel it'll be the same situation here.

And what of my beloved Tar Heels? :(

Well, lot's to think about. My home for 14 years ... for an uncertain and tougher future across the country.