"I keep the 40-cal on my side / steppin' with the mind state of a mobster / got glocks for sale, RED tops for sale / anything that you need, believe me I'm gone lace you, yeah / just don't, whatever you do, snitch / 'cause you will get hit, pray, i don't lace you, yeah" - obie trice feat. akon "snitch"

. . .

Gamblers Anonymous: 20 Questions

(Bolded questions are ones I answer "yes" with much gusto)

1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling? I had this EPIC 24 hour session when I was Carolina - Yush came back from class one day and was like .. "Uh, dude, have you been gambling all day?" I think I gambled close to 20 hours straight that day
2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
3. Did gambling affect your reputation? I guess?
4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling? Every time
5. Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties? Luckily I've never gambled to the bottom, although I've gotten close plenty of times...
6. Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency? Um, can you say ... YES?
7. After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses? LOL. Are they tailoring these questions for me?
8. After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more? How do you think I end up blowing poker and sports bet wins away?
9. Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone? And then some
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?
12. Were you reluctant to use "gambling money" for normal expenditures? HAH! I had a separate poker fund for a long time - this is actually a good idea and I highly recommend it.
13. Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
14. Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned? Hmm... 24-hour marathon while at Carolina, yes?
15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry or trouble? Not really a surprise, but there's a high correlation between my gambling binges and times of great stress
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?
17. Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping? I have trouble sleeping anyways
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?
20. Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling? This is a loaded question - I'd say people who have gambling habits are naturally self-destructive

Most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least seven of these questions.

I scored 13/20! Do I win something????????

. . .

MindTouch will be presenting some great stuff at Blog World Expo in Vegas, but given my self-imposed exile from anything gambling-related after have a few moments of weakness, I had to turn down the free trip to Vegas!

. . .

I've always been somewhat light-hearted by my gambling habits, cause I've known I've had a problem, and I've been able to convince myself it's a somewhat minor character flaw. But the frequency of my gambling binges have been increasing lately. I need to protect myself (from myself).

The problem with gambling is that one sniff of anything related to wagering sets off the whole she-bang.

I used to be horribly addicted to online poker, but managed to squelch the problem by uninstalling the applications and forcing myself to find a new hobby (I think this coincided with the first [crappy] version of Swarmf).

When I moved to San Diego, I went to Viejas Casino a few times, which snowballed into something a little more. It got really bad over President's Day weekend. I had built up a huge bankroll by playing diligently once a week the previous few weeks (I started with $100 and ended, at the height of the 3 weeks, with around $1200). Then over every day of President's Day weekend, I started playing some mid-limit games (3/6 with kill pots) and got reamed by aggressive players who loved to raise all the time. I hit a few bad streaks in the tourneys I played (got busted in the bubble once, and generally got reamed on some bad beats in the other tourneys). I lost it all. Luckily my bank account was tapped out, so I had to drive back President's Day with my tail tucked between my legs.

I also remember that day because it rained (pretty hard!) in San Diego. That was also the day I got into my car accident. It was at that moment, after all the bad beats had happened, the bad weather, and the bad accident ... that I convinced myself, "If God could tell me in so many ways to stop gambling, this would be it."

. . .

When the football season started, I put in some money. After Week 4, I had it 4x my initial stake. I was pretty happy with myself. After the huge Patriots win over the Bengals on MNF after Week 4 (I took a parlay of the points and the over), I decided to celebrate my victory with some Bodog blackjack. At some point, I had turned the doubled my gains, and then I started doing some really stupid shit. Long story short, I lost my whole football stake, along with some more (in my futile attempt to "win back what I lost" coupled with the "the dealer cannot possibly win again!" is a dangerous combo).

The following week, I put in some more money to try to win a little so I could continue betting on the weekends. Of course, Week 5 was the statistical evening-out I had managed to avoid in Weeks 1- 4; I think the only game that covered outright was Washington (I got in late with the Patriots and took the +17 line, which pushed).

Long story short, after Week 5, I told myself... no more. No more. Nothing even remotely resembling wagering.

. . .

So no Vegas trips. No more sports betting. No more poker. Nothing. Nada. Unfortunately, this sucks, cause I always got friends who are trying to get me out to Vegas ... and the answer to the inevitable question after they hear I have a gambling problem: "Yes, I know you can take my wallet. But are you gonna hold my wallet when we come back and I need to release the gambling urge by going to Viejas? Or signing up for Pokerstars online again? Or by checking the point spreads every weekend?"

Temptation is never limited to the time when I'm exposed to my vice. Once an idea is planted in my mind, it festers inside until I do something (which usually is gambling).

I write this post only to hold myself accountable. Can't fight the problem unless you admit it, right? :)