Guys want to play God. This manifests itself in some guys as what girls perceive as an obsession: be it with Star Wars knowledge, a card collection, an obsession with work, or more broadly, any time-consuming activity regarding a skill.

Given the lack of any superhuman abilities that would let us actually *be* Gods, we look for completeness or perfection as a satisfactory compromise. How often have you heard, "I just need ___ to complete me/this collection?"

I've wondered why I've completely lost the will to date. It's easy to always dismiss that because of my work schedule, but I don't think that's the case. You can always make time - if you say you can't, you're simply hiding the truth from yourself.

I remember back at Carolina when we were talking about the chillest professor - I heard all these stories that the guy was a firehead in his younger days as professors.

I wonder if guys chill out as they grow older because they lose the will to prove themselves. I remember when I was younger (and started neopages.com as a competitor to citysearch.com) back in high school, I was incredibly motivated, driven, and I wasn't afraid to show it. I was the most competitive in elementary and middle school - when I was trying to prove to my peers that I was the smartest kid in the class (which is why I don't really hold a grudge against the bullies, since I deserved some humility). I still find myself in this mental state quite often - I want to change the world. I, alone. Me, myself, and I.

I know, in the back of my mind, that changing anything in this world requires so much work, power, luck, and connections. It's nearly futile. The internet, if anything, has taught me how transient "success" is - remember how successful Geocities, Friendster, and StileProject were? Where are they now?

I wonder as I grow older, if I'll accept this futility and accept my mediocrity. If I accept my mediocrity, I'll stop giving my life in pursuit of some higher level of "success." I'll stop trying to change the world.

If I accept mediocrity, that would sure free up a lot of time to pursue relationships. My one relationship was with an incredibly independent girl, who didn't demand much from me - but still it failed because I took it for granted. I took it for granted to focus on my own personal success.

I always wondered why some obviously talented guys go down the path of medicine and law. I mean this, in no way, a diss to people who go to these schools ... but realistically, how many doctors make a huge impact in the world around them? My friend, a budding doctor at Duke, tells me that most of the cases he sees are for drug-seeking addicts or fat people with heart problems. It's not as noble of a profession as I once believed. So why do smart, driven, talented guys seem to flock to these professions?

A doctor probably provides the easiest route to fulfilling this need to play God - you have another person's life(style) in your hands. What you say becomes the absolute truth to them ...

I guess the conclusion to this rant (if there is one to be made) is that guys who still feel the need to "prove" themselves are a dangerous bunch (and I'm still firmly in this group). We're probably the most destructive and the least likely to have successful relationships.

How sad is that?