I remember a few years ago, a person I once knew graduated from Carolina and fell off the face of the planet. This person, although still in Chapel Hill, was nearly inaccessible. I thought that was the oddest thing - why would a person cut themselves off from the world so completely?

I've followed in those footsteps lately. Since January/February, I've fallen off the face of the planet. At first, it was a nice break to get some alone time ... but I've been reminded lately how unhealthy and weird it is to be so reclusive. The situation's compounded because I also work from home, which means I really have no social contact at all. The past few weeks, I turned off my cell phone completely, and I stopped attending most social events I had been apart of.

People find this behavior odd, and when asked why I've cut myself off from the world completely, I'm never sure what to say. I don't think I'm depressed, and I'm not going through anything. At first, it was just more convenient to not have to deal with other people. Then as I thought about it some more, I tried to justify my behavior by saying that people dissappointed me. (What a cop-out answer, by the way). In the past, there had been many instances (and you people who have access to my friends-only entries know what I'm talking about) where I felt I had been wronged. But honestly, who doesn't go through those feelings?

So what is the real reason I've cut myself off so completely? The conclusion (at the moment) seems to be that I feel I've dissappointed a lot of people. Who I am, what I do, and how I act ... all aren't where I wanted to be a few years ago.

I just can't face the fallen expectations of my peers. It seems to be as simple as that. What really sucks is that it's a vicious cycle - I don't want to hang out with people because I can't face them ... then I get cut out when they needed my help, then I feel guilty and don't want to face people even more... etc. etc.

If only I had one of these: