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Can't sleep. I've fought for so long to get over my insomnia woes, and I think they're coming back full-vengeance. Sigh. Good thing I got me some health insurance!

Will I ever get to experience friendships like I did in college? Some of the most interesting friendships I had in college were the shallowest of friendships - the guy who I would always end up meeting with at the cafeteria every day; the floormate who would accompany me on the balcony while I ate my Subway sandwich; the classmate who always look hungover.

I don't feel any pressure to get married, but I do feel like it's much more difficult to get to know new people, because I view friendships as a springboard for something far more serious now. The defensiveness that accompanies getting burned, the fatigueness of just not wanting to invest a lot into a new friendship ... are all of these factors that limit my ability to make new friends? I do feel like when I meet new girls, there's the "possible-wife-o-meter" that goes off in the back of my mind, gauging. It's almost like I can no longer have friendships with girls; there needs to be some underlying reason for the friendship.

It's now gotten to a point where people are so far and in between that everybody in my life is either "somebody I know" or a "really really good friend." There used to be a huge grey area of "casual acquaintances ... but that area is a huge void now. The people I know, I find myself attaching myself to them; investing far more into those friendships than I would have.

I used to feel quite sad when a friendship waned due to lack of attention.... but with guys (at least), you can pick those friendship up after months of no contact, and things are usually pretty good. Friendships are so contextual - if anything, they're driven mostly by geographical convenience (proximity) ... so it helped me a lot to realize that as long as everybody realizes they are contextual ... and that losing those friendships is just as natural as the creation was ... things are OK.

Everybody is splitting up into new cities, so do I just accept the fact that the sun has set on that friendship? If so, do I continue to make an effort to meet new people? Or do I just lose myself in my work, knowing full well how temporary and how unfulfilling that is in the long run?

Is this why when people hit 25/26, they suddenly get married? The loss of friends, the loneliness of working, the biological clocks going tick-tock?

I wonder if technological advances like IM and email that allow people to remain connected are actually harmful for post-undergrads. These mediums allow just enough to give you the comfort zone without any real growth in the relationship ... so we never get the courage to go out and meet new people. We stick around reminiscing about the past with people who are far away ... and we miss out on the present.