Hello, my faithful journal readers. I'm sorry to dissappoint you in my lack of postings, but I've been going through a somewhat tough time lately.

I've decided that my online poker is an addiction that MUST end. It is a problem that is affecting my friendships, my work ethic, and my ability to function as a normal person.

This is a problem that MUST be stopped. So I declare here that I will set a small goal of not playing any online poker until November 1st, 2004. Small steps ... small steps.

I really feel guilty to all those of you who have been waiting for some sort of update to Tabulas; I apologize from the bottom of my heart ... I've kind of reached a point where the level of work required is so overwhelming that I got discouraged from doing any work on it.

It's been really tough to grind on Tabulas alone ... to have no real feedback on what I'm doing and if I'm doing it right. In my obsession to "get it right," I've focused far too much time on small details that aren't going to matter months down the line.

I just need to sit down and do it. That's what it boils down to. I need to put aside my insecurities and just DO IT.

I went to a meeting this past week for a possible "job" at a start-up (I won't be getting paid, if anything at all), but the people at the start-up are people I've grown up with, so I'm very confident in the company itself. It was at this meeting (which I guess is a recruitment of sorts?) that I realized that I do have a pretty comprehensive knowledge about how the web works. Even professionals are pretty clueless about lots of things in CS; I just imagined that once you reached a certain level you just "knew it all" or something.

I guess the whole world relies on that lack of knowledge ... are there tons of people out there, in their jobs, realizing it's not as hard as it seems? I've always told people that what I do is not that difficult, and I do believe that. Is it just a matter of applying oneself and loving what you do to get it done?

In any case, I'm ready to close the chapter on my online poker and move on. It has made me squander my past few weeks for a stupid ideal and dream ... real wealth in the real world is generated through innovation and hard work, not some bullshit beating the statistics game. If I want to play statistics, I might as well play the stock market.

To get myself "back on track," I've been hammering out designs left and right for various different projects; for the contract I picked up, and a few Tabulas designs. Making designs has always given me great peace ... I just love it when you have an idea and you tinker around on a design to make it a perfect balance ... to get that perfect FEEL on a site ... so crucial.

Posted by roy on October 12, 2004 at 12:57 AM in Personal | 5 Comments

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Comment posted on October 13th, 2004 at 06:02 AM
for the past few days it seems that you're really too addicted in playing poker; too much of something is really bad.

i can help you with designs if you want, but i'm no expert at it, but i'll do my best.

ganbatte!
Comment posted on October 12th, 2004 at 05:54 PM
Roy, there has to be a way for you to make an exceptional earning with your talents. I wish I had one-tenth the amount of ability you do. Look at Tabulas. What an incredible place you have built. If you can do this, what else are you capable of?

As for taking time for poker, you needed the diversion. That's not a bad thing. Everyone needs a break now and then. :)
Comment posted on October 12th, 2004 at 11:28 AM
Good job quitting poker

I have no doubt that the new tabulas design will be great. The existing one is really awesome already, which is why I prefer it to all those other blogging sites out there like the multiple blehjournal.coms.

I'll try to give feedback... but I definitley have faith in you! :)
Comment posted on October 12th, 2004 at 09:07 AM
hehe.. more bad beats huh roy? Its ok.. Quiting online poker is a natural thing. But quitting poker is something else. It's a great thing to do with your friends. Besides... you school them so easily.

As for your question about "expertise," yeah... that's pretty much how a lot of people feel about their jobs. I for one agree. You give me any green newbie and in a year i could teach him how to replace me. There are some jobs that i know you can't just fall into, but honestly I don't feel there are too many of them out there. There is a reason some positions pay a whole lot more than others.

As for Tabulas... I'm still impressed by how this project has turned out. Keep up the good work man.
Comment posted on October 12th, 2004 at 08:29 AM
haa... add me on msn... i'll do my best to tell u wad ur doing rite on tabs... its a great proj... too bad i havent the technical expertise to say i'd help u out in actuali working on it. n sometimes wad is right isnt always something u can just like, blog out or post up... ya know?