"For this reason loving involves commitment. We are not automatic lovers of self, others, world, or God. Love does not just happen. We are not love machines, puppets on the strings of a deity called "love." Love is a choice -- not simply, or necessarily, a rational choice, but rather a willingness to be present to others without pretense or guile. Love is a conversion to humanity -- a willingness to participate with others in the healing of a broken world and broken lives. Love is the choice to experience life as a member of the human family, a partner in the dance of life, rather than as an alien in the world or as a deity above the world, aloof and apart from human flesh."

- Carter Heyward

. . .

Until maybe last year, I always had a very me-first attitude. I do what I want, and if people don't want to cooperate or hang out, then screw them. I can probably attribute my great productivity along the web dev lines when I did this... it was so easy just to cut myself off whenever something wasn't going right.

But lately I've been finding that developing true relationships requires so much work. The quote above, I don't even mean "love" in the sense that a boyfriend tells a girl "I love you." Love, more generally ... like love within a family, love between friends, love between a mentor and a student. It's just so tough to be there for everybody who needs help. It really is a lot of work to be there for people. Recently I've been trying to bring people together and to be more proactive in being social, but I've also felt very unhappy with the way my personal projects have been going. It seems that either I'm pursuing success in life or success with people, and I can't do both at the same time.

Posted by roy on October 28, 2005 at 12:07 PM in Personal | 7 Comments

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Comment posted on October 29th, 2005 at 02:17 AM
Yes, relationships with loved ones involve efforts, time and commitments. I've been putting less time into that these past years unfortunately. I'm close to losing something with people who use to be close friends. I know that. Yet, I cannot drive myself to do something about it. I've became a bad friend, grand-daughter, cousin, etc.
Comment posted on October 28th, 2005 at 09:09 PM
<a href="http://capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1578" rel="nofollow">http://capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1578</a>

By an old professor of mine.
Comment posted on October 29th, 2005 at 05:50 PM
A bit sentimentalist, but I can't disagree.
Comment posted on October 28th, 2005 at 03:58 PM
Here's a possibility:

success with people = success in life

Comment posted on October 29th, 2005 at 01:19 AM
Only if you accept that as your metric of success. I thought that might be true, but even as I feel as I've been more successful with people, I feel very unhappy.
Comment posted on October 28th, 2005 at 01:17 PM
art thou in love, dear sir?
Comment posted on October 28th, 2005 at 08:55 PM
nope :)