As you will notice, I did some funky formatting with this entry [RSS readers will *not* get the full effect; I highly recommend your read the entry normally. Anton Zuiker showed this Atlantic Monthly article that formatted an entire article in the manner below at the Chapel Hill Bloggers Meetup yesterday; I immediately realized that this would be perfect for my journal and wanted to give it a get-go. So I wrote this whole convoluted entry just so I can add in those little snippets. Lame.

. . .

Anti-hero sounds so much cooler than hero.

Our anti-hero wakes up to the the whirring of manly powertools. Oh yes, today is the day where the second floor of our anti-hero's abode is being renovated. In an effort to boost the possible selling price of said abode, the upstairs is being stripped of carpet and being replaced with hardwood floor. Our anti-hero wakes up at the ungodly hour of 330pm and begins his daily routine.

As opposed to me naturally assuming that they are "Mexican," as other jerks might do.

Avoiding the three Latin American workers, our anti-hero makes his way downstairs. Three minutes and 23 seconds later our anti-hero is speeding away in his muscle car to pick up a copy of the highly-recommended book The Soul of a New Machine by Tracy Kidder which has an ISBN number of 0316491977 [autolink THIS, Google!]. Unfortunately, Barnes and Noble does not have said book, and our anti-hero is informed by the cute girl [aren't all girls that work at Barnes inherently kind of cute? No?] that the closest book is "probably in Raleigh." Taken aback [BARNES HAS NEVER FAILED BEFORE!], our anti-hero begrudgingly goes to Borders Bookstores, where they have two copies of said book. Our anti-hero returns back to Barnes to take advantage of their "high-speed wireless Internet;" wireless at home has been disconnected while renovations are being completed.

As a side note, I am starting to really hate e-mail. It's so outdated and the signal-to-noise ratio of quality e-mails are diminishing. Furthermore, anyone who is of any import in my life knows to IM or cell me... what purpose does e-mail serve to me? Alas. To be chained to this confounded computer...

While there, our anti-hero runs into two friends. Our anti-hero pays an extortionate amount of money to connect to the Internet [not really, I just like to exaggerate] where he finds out he now has ANOTHER e-mail address to check! Yes, the new company our anti-hero has worked for has granted our anti-hero with yet another e-mail address to check! YAY!!!!!!! After spending an hour and a half doing some work and reading The Wisdom of Crowds with an ISBN number of 0385503865, our anti-hero is confronted by a ridiculously cute 4-year old named "Turner." Turner is an unabashedly gregarious four-year old who enjoys gadgets. Turner tells our anti-hero that his tablet PC is "pretty cool" but his cell phone is much cooler [I have the shittiest Motorala EVER]. The anti-hero asks the willing four-year old for an autograph on the tablet PC. After writing a "T," the cute four-year old admits that he has not yet learned how to write the rest of his name. Our anti-hero sees through the lame excuse and is about to engage in a EPIC BATTLE with the four-year old when the mother of the four-year old returns and leaves with him. She is a wise woman for interceding at the moment - perhaps her "motheradar" indicated trouble for her adorable son. Our anti-hero returns home... where is confronted with the first challenge of the day.

Jose, one of the Latin American workers, was a bit too enthusiastic with his powersaw [what man isn't?!] and managed to slice the cord of the power adapter for the wireless router in half. The anti-hero drives over to RadioShack to purchase a new power adapter. Our anti-hero, in typical male fashion, heads directly to the power adapter section, selects the proper product with the right ampage and voltage, and heads to the cash register. No frolicking around with electronics today. He is a man on a mission. The register rings up the total [$17 and change] and wishes our anti-hero a good day. As our anti-hero leaves, the man at the register reluctantly calls out to our anti-hero, not four steps away from the door. Freedom was so close.

What could be the problem? Does the dark gangsta image of our anti-hero make the cashier suspicious that our anti-hero could be swindling the Radio Shack of some electronics? Did our anti-hero leave something behind? Is there a "kick me" sign on the back of our anti-hero?"

"Hey dude, I saw you drive a Ford Taurus. I'm thinking of buying a 2001 Ford Taurus [he points to the burgundy-colored Ford Taurus outside the store], and I wanted to know what your opinions are on the Ford Taurus."

The author must admit here that the cashier was somewhat lacking in the raw sexuality department, but this can be worked on once the Ford Taurus is acquired.

Our anti-hero is taken aback. FINALLY SOMEONE TO SHARE THE LOVE AND JOYS OF THE FORD TAURUS! Our anti-hero immediately goes off on a spiel about the benefits of a Ford Taurus and the raw sexuality drivers of Ford Taurus' exude. Two minutes and 33 seconds later, our cashier quips: "Yeah, that's what I thought. All the other Ford Taurus owners I've talked to have said it really is a great economical car."

Feeling empowered at helping his fellow man, our anti-hero returns home and plugs in the power adapter to the wireless router.

Our anti-hero's heightened sense of smell immediately notices a burning smell. Suddenly the router goes POP!

Like lightening, our anti-hero lunges at the power cord and immediately removes the power to the router, lest the router blow up the house. His selfless acts have saved the lives of approximately 4,292 people.

Our anti-hero sees that the capacitor of the router exploded. Furious at the gods for meddling in his life, our anti-hero goes to his local Best Buy to purchase a new router. He is confronted with three choices:

• A Belkin router ($69.99 - $60.00 MIR)
• A Netgear ($69.99 - $40.00 MIR)
• A Linksys ($89.99 - $40.00 MIR)

Actually, by statues I really mean dinner.

Our anti-hero returns home with the cheapest product and sets up the wireless once again. The crowds rejoice at the return of the glorious Intarweb and offer to build huge statues in his glory.

So how was your day?