I saw a very fitting quote for myself in Michael Lewis' Next when he talks about the type of people he's discovered have been most affected by the Internet: "... antisocial technologists who had been encouraged by it [the Internet] to reinvent themselves as social theorists."

I'm sure it's of no real surprise to any of you that I'm a pretty anti-social character. Good friends like Hao have constantly chided me for my lack of "socializing." Hell, even my etiquette regarding phone calls (I *never* carry my cell phone on me, nor do I ever return calls) is pretty indicative of my views regarding communication. Of course, the irony here is that I work every day to build the ultimate communication medium as my pet project. I have trouble remembering names for random people, and I don't make a particularly good effort to be "friendly" with strangers. I'm sure this has given me a bad reputation amongst people who don't know me too well, but I just don't make that effort.

I've always grown up with just a few friends. I was probably the most social during my grade school years (prior to moving to Chapel Hill). Maybe it's the innocence of being young, but I had a lot of friends during my kindergarten - 3rd grade years. Close to my heart during those years (I'm only publishing full names with the hopes of someday reconnecting with these lost figures) Wan Kim, Matt Blakeley, and Ian Gibson. Matt, Wan and I were particularly close; we started our own "book" company when we were in the 2nd grade. You see, in our elementary school, you could write a storyline and illustrate them; then some volunteer parents would bind it with some cardboard and you'd have a "book." I recently found these books, and they were quite fun to read once again. I remember that on some weekends we'd get together at Matt's house and play some football, trade Garbage Pail Kids cards, and then write a few stories.

When I moved to Chapel Hill, I lost contact with them all. I don't disillusion myself now - I doubt I would have anything in common with any of these characters, but part me is quite curious what happened to them all. Maybe it was the growing jealousy amongst my mathematical skills in elementary school, but I do remember being picked on by a few kids. I grow increasingly antisocial during the middle school years as I felt isolated by the growing party attitudes of a lot of kids during that time. My close friends during this time were the Windhover buddies - Allen (referred to as Alfish7... because of the "Patty45" incident), Neeraj, and Alex F. We did have good times and shared experiences; we were all the geeky outcasts of middle school, and so it worked well.

High school tends to separate you into your classes; you begin socializing with people who you find in your classes. I befriended Hao and Mike P. during these years. Hao is one of those goofy characters you have great memories of earlier years that you cherish. Mike was my intellectual peer; he always sparked that competitive spirit in me and kept me on my toes in high school to which I am eternally greatful.

I befriended Borst along the way who shares my love of computers (these people are sadly lacking in my life).

College has been really weird. I've made two great "older sisters I never had" (Lillia and Alice), who have always been there for me and offered guidance when I needed it.

It's weird that in college, I've had a changing set of friends. I feel that my closest confidant is Yush, which I feel is strange because that whole connection just came out of nowhere.

Although I'm antisocial, I've always tried to examine the nature of friendships to try to understand them. I'm pretty cynical in regards to friendships - I see them as fleeting connections we make throughout life which are always grounded in convenience. Obviously I can't speak for others, but it's been my personal experience that my friendships have largely come out of a convenience factor. For example, I had what I thought were good friends during my sophomore year in college, but these fell apart shortly thereafter. My friendships have always been with people who are physically close. Suitemates in college are like this - you're living close with them, so you always have these conversations with them and suddenly they're your friends.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that a lot of friendships come out of convenience; when that convenience factor is gone, you lose contact with your friends. I will never get to know that many people on a deeper level that I wish; and if I do make that effort, I may find out they are not really compatible with my views.

It's interesting to me that the friendships that I treasure most are those that came about out of no circumstances at all. I consider Yush my closest confidant, but I honestly have no idea why. I think he's a very open-minded, intelligent fellow; we share the same sense of humor and share different taste in girls (GOOD!)... but what *is* it that drives people into being more connected than other people? Have you ever tried to figure out HOW you became friends with certain people? And why do you stick around with them?

As a whole, my whole attitude towards friendships is that they're not worth pursuing that much. Most of the friendships I have now will fall apart just like friendships in previous years because the convenience factor is gone. But maybe for guys it's not important to "keep in touch" too often. I barely keep in touch with Mike P. and I consider him one of my close friends ...

That's not to say I don't enjoy my current friendships, but part of me is saddened they're all friendships out of conveniences. Perhaps human beings are solitary creatures by nature, only seeking contact with others to define an identity for ourselves...