roy

Hello, my faithful journal readers. I'm sorry to dissappoint you in my lack of postings, but I've been going through a somewhat tough time lately.

I've decided that my online poker is an addiction that MUST end. It is a problem that is affecting my friendships, my work ethic, and my ability to function as a normal person.

This is a problem that MUST be stopped. So I declare here that I will set a small goal of not playing any online poker until November 1st, 2004. Small steps ... small steps.

I really feel guilty to all those of you who have been waiting for some sort of update to Tabulas; I apologize from the bottom of my heart ... I've kind of reached a point where the level of work required is so overwhelming that I got discouraged from doing any work on it.

It's been really tough to grind on Tabulas alone ... to have no real feedback on what I'm doing and if I'm doing it right. In my obsession to "get it right," I've focused far too much time on small details that aren't going to matter months down the line.

I just need to sit down and do it. That's what it boils down to. I need to put aside my insecurities and just DO IT.

I went to a meeting this past week for a possible "job" at a start-up (I won't be getting paid, if anything at all), but the people at the start-up are people I've grown up with, so I'm very confident in the company itself. It was at this meeting (which I guess is a recruitment of sorts?) that I realized that I do have a pretty comprehensive knowledge about how the web works. Even professionals are pretty clueless about lots of things in CS; I just imagined that once you reached a certain level you just "knew it all" or something.

I guess the whole world relies on that lack of knowledge ... are there tons of people out there, in their jobs, realizing it's not as hard as it seems? I've always told people that what I do is not that difficult, and I do believe that. Is it just a matter of applying oneself and loving what you do to get it done?

In any case, I'm ready to close the chapter on my online poker and move on. It has made me squander my past few weeks for a stupid ideal and dream ... real wealth in the real world is generated through innovation and hard work, not some bullshit beating the statistics game. If I want to play statistics, I might as well play the stock market.

To get myself "back on track," I've been hammering out designs left and right for various different projects; for the contract I picked up, and a few Tabulas designs. Making designs has always given me great peace ... I just love it when you have an idea and you tinker around on a design to make it a perfect balance ... to get that perfect FEEL on a site ... so crucial.