Social blooming
I think I was a late bloomer growing up. I don't mean this in the puberty sense, but more in the mental sense.
I remember always believing whatever my mom told me when I was growing up. This was a great boon for my mom (I was the perfect little son!), but this created a lot of problems once I moved down to Chapel Hill from Buffalo.
I'm not sure whether Southern kids are meaner, if the racism has anything to do with it or what... but things were really difficult for me when I came down here in the 4th grade. I remember being in the 4th grade and I was constantly made fun by two particular kids mean kids. I was quite a gullible kid, and I always tucked in my shirt into my pants (which was a habit I only broke in the 6th grade at the urging of my then-friends Luke and Evan (I wonder what happened to them?)). This one kid (we shall call him 'Justin,' and this may or may not be a pseudonym) was quite mean to me. I'm not sure what I did to him, but maybe because I was clearly a brighter kid than me ... he used to pick on me all the time. I remember walking back from gym one day, he was walking behind me. He kept kicking my feet while walking ...
He knew my love for football, and he once told me that he could get the autographs of any football player because he was a ballboy for the New England Patriots (which, in retrospect, seems REALLY stupid). He "sold" me an autograph of Jim Kelly for $5 ... and then my parents got really pissed. Not pissed at me for wasting $5, but that there could be mean kids like this. This was during a very rough time during my parent's marriage, when they were considering moving to Korea ... so it really didn't help things at home.
He was just a very mean kid. He would always make fun of me ... I think this left some sort of weird emotional scar that really hurt my self-esteem for a very long time.
In retrospect, I'm not sure why I suffered from so much low self-esteem; besides the constant teasing by Justin, I never really suffered too much from being 'outcast.' Sure, I was always on the "outside," but I was always welcome in whatever social group I wanted to join middle school and high school. But that's an entry for another day ...
The reason I bring this up is I had two dreams last night, and one of them involved me confronting Justin and another kid named Alex (not any Alex that I know now...). I remember being cruelly treated by both of them, and so I guess the dream was my ego (or id, perhaps?) trying to make sense of their cruelty to me.
In the dream, I was yelling at them, "What did I ever do to you? What?!" They simply could not answer. They just looked at me and said, "Sorry, we were just kids. We didn't know any better."
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MacDaddyTatsu (guest)
MacDaddyTatsu (guest)
There are always asses. They need to be so to make themselves feel better about the reality of their exsistances. That is the stem of all our social hazing. bad self image.
harbinbear
RoyKim (guest)
You were my earth
But you didn’t know all the ways I loved you, no
So you took a chance
And made other plans
But I bet you didn’t think your thing would come crashing down, no
You don’t have to say, what you did,
I already know, I found out from him
Now there’s just no chance, for you and me, there’ll never be
And don’t it make you sad about it
You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
Your bridges were burned, and now it’s your turn
To cry, cry me a river
Cry me a river-er
Cry me a river
Cry me a river-er, yea yea
I know that they say
That somethings are better left unsaid
It wasn’t like you only talked to him and you know it
(don’t act like you don’t know it)
All of these things people told me
Keep messing with my head
(messing with my head)
You should’ve picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it
(yea..)
You don’t have to say, what you did,
(don’t have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there’s just no chance, for you and me, there’ll never be
(no chance, you and me)
And don’t it make you sad about it
You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
(all alone)
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
(when you call me on the phone)
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
(I’m not like them baby)
Your bridges were burned, and now it’s your turn
(it’s your turn)
To cry, cry me a river
(go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(go on and just)
Cry me a river
(baby go on and just)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea
Oh
(oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be... leaving
You don’t have to say, what you did,
(don’t have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there’s just no chance, for you and me, there’ll never be
(no chance, you and me)
And don’t it make you sad about it
Cry me a river
(go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(baby go on and just)
Cry me a river
(you can go on and just)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea
Cry me a river
(baby go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(go on and just)
Cry me a river
(cause I’ve already cried)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea
(ain’t gonna cry no more, yea-yea)
Cry me a river
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh
(cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river
(cry me, cry me)
PM5K
SuperSunJ
Allen
you and i, the two new kids in the fourth grade ;)
i think i was oblivious to the teasing in elem. school, it wasn't until middle school when the real hell began for me.
minou_degrassi
For kids like Justin...there are no words.
vampirepiggy
