"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

 - Father Alfred D'Souza

This little quote really sums up my life perspective. I've always been searching for the next end - something to give me a sense of completion; some moment where I'd reflect at a beautiful vista to feel complete. But every time I work towards that vista, I am inadvertently disappointed that it isn't what it is - there's another vista point up ahead.

Whenever I talked about my hopes and dreams in the past, it'd always be predicated on some end, and a sense of a new beginning. Over the past year, I've realized that there is less and less a sense of an end - I look back now and see the small moments that made the journey a fun one. 

It's funny, because looking back at school, it was the same thing. I never put weight into the end of it - the graduation part. I remember the small little moments - the random friends, the random late night outings... those were the best parts.

Maybe those little moments are the best memories we have, and this pursuit of an end to define my purpose is merely an illusion.

Here's to recognizing the beauty I have in my life - the struggle of those people around me who need help, and the continual recognition that I should acknowledge more of present, and stop placing my hopes on some mystical end that will bring me complete fulfillment.

Ω

"adios, y vaya con Dios"

So after I rolled out the new default templates for Tabulas, I've been dying to clean up the gallery views. Well, mission accomplished. The gallery is much, much simpler now (I took some design cues from Facebook, clearly).

Even better, I've bumped up the quality of images used in the gallery up a notch; the default views now use the 720-wide images (what I call the "medium-large") and utilize the ever-nifty lightbox to jazz up the views. Going through albums is easy-breezy - scroll, or activate the lightbox by clicking any of the images in this sample album.

But that's not the only thing - there has been a lot of behind-the-scenes work lately to integrate with Flickr.

The idea is that you want to integrate your Flickr photos into your Tabulas stream as seamlessly as possible.

Well, check out the end-result. That gallery has 26 images - 25 are directly from my Flickr account, while the last one is posted to that Tabulas account. Don't you love how seamless it is?

And for users, synchronizing is going to be easy - all you need to do is link the accounts, and Tabulas will do the sync automatically!

And even better - each Flickr image is treated like a real image in Tabulas; you can delete them, rename them, reorder them, etc. In essence, I've copied pointers to Flickr images directly in Tabulas. 

I love how easy Flickr's API has been to use - the dreams of APIs and intermingling of data is finally coming true!

This feature isn't ready yet - there are a whole lot of minor details I need to work out, but I just felt so excited that I wanted to share it!

I spent the weekend in North Carolina. I loved the gorgeous weather - the crisp fall air always refreshes me. After my parents moved to KC a few weeks ago, I honestly didn't think I'd be back to Chapel Hill for some time, but some circumstances conspired to bring me back.

What was a bit sad was that there were very few friends left in the area - while it used to not be a problem to round up 10 or so friends on any given night; this time, there were only about 3 or 4 friends I could round up. It was still quite nice to be back.

The flight back was a connection through Philadelphia - but, Obama's trip to the area caused all flights to back up 45 minutes... and thus, I missed my connection. So I grabbed a room downtown and walked around a bit.

Figuring I was in Philly, I found a Philly chessesteak - and boy, was it delicious! The ingredients don't seem so difficult - wonder if I could make one at home...

In any case, I have a 530am flight tomorrow back to San Diego, where I'll promptly head into work.

It's been a long weekend, and tomorrow will be a long day... but I look forward to going to bed real early tomorrow night :)

Could've been a night like any other
One of us has to drive
One of us gets to think
I'll force a laugh to break the silence
It's gonna get harder still
Before it gets easy
You can't keep safe what wants to break

I'm alone in this
I'm a "as I've always been"
Right behind what's happening
She's a "lost in this"
She's like she'll always be: a little far for me to reach

I was just a boy like every other
I thought I was something fierce
I thought I was ten times smarter
Love would be something that I just know
(Something I just know)
How you gonna know the feeling till you've lost it
I've been losing plenty since

Maybe something else I'm missing
Something good and you're the reason
It's a dream but there's a real world waiting

Walking around in Philly made me realize how much California has changed me.

I never thought I'd be the type of guy who'd care about the fact that people didn't work out. Never in a million years.

But as I walked around Philly (and even to a certain degree, Chapel Hill), I was thinking: "Jeez, people need to work out more often." And it wasn't even for obese people - I was thinking this for (what I used to think) were average people!

It's not that I've become a health nut - but I have taken a little more pride in how I treat my body; trying to eat healthier (when I can), and exercising regularly. But that doesn't explain everything - it has to be the SoCal thing.

I'm so used to seeing people in sanely good shape that it's become the norm. If I see anybody who doesn't fall into this bucket, it's an oddity.

I guess it shouldn't really be a surprise - I have been her for nearly four years now. Even if you actively resist the environment, culture has a way of seeping in...

Bruno Mars' "Doo Wop and Hooligans" is an insanely awesome album. He is incredibly talented - I can't wait to hear more music from him!

Bruno Mars - Grenade

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live
Oh, take it all, but you never give
Should have known you was trouble from the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever ask
'cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
Oh, I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same
No, no, no, no

Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said hey when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are
Yeah, you'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever ask
'cause what you don't understand is

If my body was on fire
Oh, you'd watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'cause you never ever ever did, baby

But darlin' I'd still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
Oh, I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same
Oh, you never do the same
No, no, no, no

Do you bunch or fold after you take the Cleveland Browns to the Super Bowl?

it took a long time, but i've made my peace.

A friend sent me this song today, with the note: "a song about you and your current situation"

Haha, oh how this makes me laugh...

Lady Antebellum - Love this pain

She's no good for me
I know that she's a wild flower
She's got a restlessness
A beautifulness, a thing about her
But here I am again calling her back
Letting her drive me crazy

It's like I love this pain a little too much
Love my heart all busted up
Something 'bout her, we just don't work
But I can't walk away
It's like I love this pain

It's just an on again
And off again situation
It's just striking a match
A tank of gas combination
But here I am again lighting it up
Knowing that she'll just burn me

It's like I love this pain a little too much
Love my heart all busted up
Something 'bout her, we just don't work
But I can't walk away
It's like I love this pain

It's like I love this life
When nothing's right, yeah something's wrong
It's like I'm just not me
If I can't be a sad, sad song

It's like I love this pain a little too much
Love my heart all busted up

Something 'bout her, we just don't work
But I can't walk away
It's like I love this pain
Oh yeah, it's like I love this pain
I can't walk away, oh no
It's like I love this pain

The Internet has finally served its purpose:

"circle of life man"