"Standing on the rooftop, everybody scream your heart out..." A bit emo I know, but the imagery (to me) is a happy one.

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Had my college buddies Alex and Han stay with me last week. It was great hanging out with them ... a gentle reminder of my roots and the nostalgia I had for those good ol' college days.

The big forces in our life, the things we find definition and meaning in are the ones that shape us. I've let my career shape my life over the past two years and I safely say that was the absolute right thing. Moving out of NC (sorry, guys) turned out fantastic for me, and I don't regret how I've lived my life in SD thus far.

The past six months, more or less, I struggled with doubts about where my life had been going. There were particular things in my life that spurred a self-examination; I kept asking myself, "Should I be looking for a serious relationship now?"

Left and right, I saw people getting married and committing themselves to serious relationships (to which I have the most admiration - simply because I'm incapable of it). A big part of the pressure came from seeing that - and the worry that, "Well, everybody else is doing it - I must be doing something wrong (or there must be something wrong with me)." Self-esteem is a finicky thing, and there were a lot of moments of self-doubts.

There must be a name for the syndrome where you refuse to accept a truth that everybody else tells you. When I was in school, I never thought I could do anything software-related professionally ... I thought my projects were a phase. When people would tell me I'd be doing that, I dismissed it. But here I am, doing exactly what they said I'd be doing, and enjoying the hell out of it. And me, of all people, didn't believe them. What was I thinking?

My friends also told me (back when I was in NC) the "Jill" situation was a train wreck in the making and I should stay away from it. Instead, I got entangled and became an emotional wreck. Looking back ... what was I thinking?

In the same way, the last six months have been a repeat of that, although I've handled it with much better grace this time around. If anything, getting over that mental hump that was the last six months has granted me a joie de vivre. 

Somebody mentioned I must be going through a quarter-life crisis lately (redecorating, traveling, new "look") ... it's quite the opposite. Instead of being mired in self-doubt and trying to buy my way out of it, I have gained a newfound appreciation for everything that is MY life, and I am simply celebrating it. I am doing everything I wanted to do (and things I was curious to do, but never had the confidence to try). That's why I've been such an eager beaver to go sailing, and also why I've been taking ballroom dancing lessons (which are pretty darn fun, until my toe incident, blast!).

And of course, the most important thing: traveling again. I've been away from the rest of the world for too long.