Like most kids growing up in the '90s, I loved this Chili Pepper's song; I heard it again on a lark a couple days ago and realized I hadn't listened to it in a few years.

The lyrics are pretty straightforward - Kiedis, alone in the world, feels a connection to a greater spirit (in this song, the city of LA) which brings him some comfort. He's constantly tormented by the thoughts of his drug-addled past and wants to escape that.

While I lack the drug-ridden past to truly relate to the torment Kiedis feels, I do feel a connection to the other parts of the song. Oddly enough, I wrote about a bulk of those feelings last May. It's pretty depressing to realize that those sentiments still resound in me. It's not for a lack of trying to change (I've changed plenty), but external circumstances are hard to overcome.

Lately, I've kicked everything up in my life an extra gear - just going out and doing everything I've been wanting to do - trying hard to not be so introverted and to start trusting and enjoying people again. While in the past I would have spent a quite evening reflecting on the beach, I now spend it hanging out with people in various events. Of course, a lot of these actions are colored - I know, at the moment, I'm trying to protect myself by staying as busy as possible. Trying to forget certain things by pushing them out of my mind. 

(I have to note at this point that while I may write with gravity, the issues I face are trivial. Unfortunately, like many others, I've been cursed with a mind that never stops thinking about stupid selfish crap all the time.)

Eventually things'll slow down and I'll have to face reality and the emotions I bottled away - but maybe at that point, I'll have moved on. That's the hope. But boy, does outrunning your emotions run you ragged.

I'm pretty sure my whole life has been running away from one set of problems to another - along the way, I've amassed a whole set of skills and accomplishments to which I devoted endless hours; each of these accomplishments seems to be accompanied with a story of some feelings I was trying to escape. Funny how that works outs. And now it looks like I'll notch a few more skills to help me forget.

. . .

What I struggled with when I was younger was the big picture - the grand purpose of life. I've gotten over a lot of those big picture issues and realized that life is much simpler than that - happiness is in the small things around my life. The little moments and the random acts of kindness. Instead of fixating on the abstract, I fixated on doing real things -  small things that made me and others happy. I've accepted that this is life - there is no grand big purpose. But I still wonder.

And that is what I find most interesting about this song. It starts off with a tangible lonesome protagonist whose only connection is to the spirit of a city, yet the chorus suddenly erupts of this abstract place that he loves. "Take" is a passive verb here - the protagonist has no control over going there. It makes me wonder if this place actually exists, or if the protagonist only wishes there's a place like that.

It sounds wonderful, and I want to be taken there too. Hope is a killer.

red hot chili pepper's - under the bridge

sometimes I feel
like I dont have a partner
sometimes I feel
like my only friend
is the city I live in
the city of angels
lonely as I am
together we cry

I drive on her streets
'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'cause she knows who I am
she sees my good deeds
and she kisses me windy
I never worry
now that is a lie

i don't ever want to feel
like I did that day
take me to the place I love
take me all the way

it's hard to believe
that there's nobody out there
it's hard to believe
that i'm all alone
at least I have her love
the city she loves me
lonely as I am
together we cry

I don't ever want to feel
like I did that day
take me to the place I love
take me all the way

under the bridge downtown
is where I drew some blood
under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
under the bridge downtown
forgot about my love
under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

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