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I'm sure you know by now that I am Korean. Most of the times when I meet strangers (this used to happen a lot more often when I was younger, but I guess people get a bit more subtle as they grow older), they go ... "Oh Koreans... y'all like kimchi, don't you?"

Not wanting to complicate things (in the same manner in which one automatically responds "Well" whenever asked, "How are things?"), I usually just give them a grin and agree with them. I'm pretty sure that they're usually thinking, "Man, this guy must be a kimchi connoiseur! Those Koreans eat kimchi with every meal!" [this is true, by the way]

Here's the thing. I know what kimchi is, and I eat it on occassion, but I am not the kimchi coinnoiseur. Not at all. In fact, my kimchi tastes are so rudimentary that I can never distinguish between good and bad kimchi. Never.

A quick background for the two of you who do not know what kimchi is. It's spicy fermented cabbage. Yes, fermented. As in you let bacteria break it down. Doesn't sound so appetizing, does it?

This leads to the next question: "What exactly is good kimchi?" To what standards do we measure one bowl of kimchi to another? Unlike beef, it cannot be measured in the way the poor calf is treated prior to its slaughter (greater stress makes more tender meat). Unlike french fries, we cannot hold the standard of "perfect crispness" (BK's fries are the BEST between the big fast food chains, hands down) or "perfect brownness" test. Unlike apples, the outer appearance of kimchi holds no measures in its test of greatness. I've never heard anyone say, "That is the most perfectly formed fermented cabbage!" And unlike BLT sandwiches, we do not measure the "balance" between the various ingredients to form the perfectly textured sandwich.

Being spicy might lead the layman to believe that the spiciness is the defining characteristics of kimchi. But the layman would be WRONG. (Gosh, don't you just LOVE sweeping generalizations) Just kidding. Maybe you're right. But I've never heard anyone hold standards of foods to the "spicy" level (except peppers and hot sauce). Why would you hold something to the standard of spiciness? If so, why not just get a whole bunch of Texas Pete and dunk some cabbage in there? Why does it even have to be cabbage? Why not just get some kudzu or something (there's enough of that in NC)? It's not as if you're actually going to feel the texture of the vegetable....

This whole chain of thoughts (sadly) was sparked when my mom made some kimchi and my dad said, "This is really good kimchi." I took a bite and couldn't figure out what made it good.

It just tasted liked spicy, cold fermented cabbage.