I've gotten to a point where I am very concerned about my future, but I really don't care too much to worry about it (does that even make sense?). I've always had fatalistic tendencies (maybe I've watched Serendipity too often), so this is no real surprise to me.

I've set pretty loose goals for myself ... I want to get 2.0 launched sometime over the next few weeks and finish up my freelancing work. That'll give me some capital to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. Once December comes, I'm going to bust my ass until the spring MCAT to get the highest possible score on the MCATs; medical school is something I know I want to do ... like a decade down the line. I'm still a ripe 20, and thinking of such "heavy" profession like medicine is something I'm not quite willing to accept.

I've been thinking once I'm done with the MCATs, I'll move away from North Carolina and live alone. Don't get me wrong ... I love North Carolina ... but I've got to move on with my life. It's going to be a tough ... finally moving away from your support base, but if this summer was any indication, I'll be fine.

I want to get a small apartment somewhere, wire it up with Internet, and work on my webstuff full-time. I want to pay the bills and live comfortably. Maybe pick up a few hobbies again (like piano!). I've been thinking of moving out to the West Coast (Seattle?), but I may opt to stay a bit closer to the East Coast and move up north somewhere (DC? Philly? New York?). I really don't know, honestly. I just want to find a nice small place and live comfortably.

I guess, in the end, given everything ... I just want to be free. You think that college is freedom coming out from high school, but there's still so many limitations. Or maybe we're never really free. Maybe going out into the real world has even more limitations.

Um, ok. I've beat this dead horse long enough.

Posted by roy on September 24, 2004 at 09:37 PM in Personal | 6 Comments

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Comment posted on September 26th, 2004 at 07:43 AM
Hey, I saw your journal entry through the Blog Match Project.

I just wanted to say good luck with the MCAT! I took the MCAT this past April, and it was pretty damn hard. It's nice that you want to study so hard for it. But if you're not going to med school in the near future, why are you taking it now? Most med schools only allow you to use an MCAT that you took within the last three years.

And I think you should move to NY! Among the three that you listed, I think NY is the best...though it's probably also the most expensive to live in. I don't live too far from NYC and I would love to have an opportunity to live there in the future.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough already. Take care!
Comment posted on September 25th, 2004 at 10:29 PM
Hate to break this to you, but one is never really free. We simply replace one limitation with another and that pattern runs throughout our lifetime. It's all in how we handle the limitations that matters most.
Comment posted on September 25th, 2004 at 11:02 AM
seattle is great! think about what i said :)

although it doesn't quite fit in with your med-school plans/web-work FT plans
Comment posted on September 25th, 2004 at 10:44 AM
removing yourself from a support base is perhaps the hardest, most difficult thing i've done. But it is definitely a time of self-inflection and in the end you will appreciate what you have learned about yourself in the process. I say go for it.
Comment posted on September 25th, 2004 at 06:39 AM
Wow, do you really make enough money so that you can do web stuff full time? That's very impressive!

I think it is good to get out of North Carolina for a bit and experience what life outside is like. You may eventually be drawn back, but how will you appreciate what you've had if you haven't seen what's out there?
Comment posted on September 25th, 2004 at 05:53 AM
Move to Silicon Valley so you can sell Tabulas to some dumbass investor....