The joys of sharing a bathroom with about 30 other people is that oftentimes you will be peeing with someone else at the same time. I'm not sure whether this is just me, but I always feel like I'm in some sort of (literal) pissing contest whenever I'm pissing with somebody.

But then I think to myself, "What are the parameters of this competition? What determines who wins?" Obviously, being petty men, our competition will probably revolve around the size of our members ... but that brings up a good point. Do people with big ... "members" pee faster (more volume per second?)? Pee louder (see previous)? Pee slower (longer distance)?

This always boggles me ... if I'm in a literally pissing contest, should I try to pee as LONG as possible ... or should I try to be LOUDER? Which one would scream to my opponent, "THIS MAN HAS A LARGE MEMBER. GO CRY IN YOUR ROOM WITH YOUR UNDERSIZED MEMBER. YOU ARE NOT A MAN. YOU ARE A BOY!!!"

Does anyone have answers to these important questions?

Posted by roy on September 8, 2004 at 11:47 PM in Foolishness | 13 Comments

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Comment posted on September 11th, 2004 at 06:34 PM
oh by the way roy the reason my icons aren't showing up is because they are posted in <a href="http://lca.tabulas.com">http://lca.tabulas.com</a>/ ecusualy all of my pictures posted there aren't showing up do u know how to fix it?

P.S. has my check gotten there yet?
Comment posted on September 11th, 2004 at 06:31 PM
lol lol lol

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MacDaddyTatsu (guest)

Comment posted on September 10th, 2004 at 01:49 PM
The Rules:
- The longer the pee the stronger your constitution, thus proving that you have staying power. You must to have held back the mighty Mississippi that long, right?
- The loud, deep "plippity ploop" is very important, but is indeed second fiddle to duration of the pee itself. Often the DEEPER part means more than the louder part.
- Forcefulness is also an issue, as the ability to really crack that porceline with your tremendous peeing mucles denotes strength of...other sexually oriented muscles as well. Obviously this needs no explaination, but it is plain to realize the draw as most sporting events revolve around feats of strength to impress people.
Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 07:24 PM
It's all Bunchies' fault. He's making Roy think these thoughts. Little green trickster.

RoyKim (guest)

Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 05:04 PM
longer and louder

that way you have the biggest bladder and member.
Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 10:53 AM
*ballistics*

(Yes, I can spell...) :ashamed:
Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 10:52 AM
After consultation with an expert [read: Amazing Brother] it would appear that loudness and length of duration are the most important factors here. Please keep in mind that, without sufficient pressure to achieve the above requirements, you are, as Amasing Brother puts it, "pissing into the wind".

Apparently the study of bullistics is necessary when one is discussing the male waterworks.

Who knew??!! :bigeyes:
Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 08:13 AM
*dizzy* *dizzy*
Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 02:49 AM
theoretically if it was....larger...the distance between the...source... and the water in the toilet or urinal would be less. so the noise would also be less.

so going with that, pee as quietly as possible and just before you leave the stall, yell out "ahhh, i dipped it again".

this will surely strike fear in to the hearts of your fellow bathroom occupants.
Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 09:24 AM
i'm sorry, but this theory is wrong. In 10th grade biology, when we were learning about the sexual reproductive system, we learned that the male penis's urethra works much like a rifle. the urine or blood, or whatever else that comes out of the penis, shoots out in a spiraling, rifling motion. Thus if you have pee coming out, the longer the rifle, the faster the contents shoot out, thus the louder it splashes. So roy, if one does urinate as soft as posible, then that person has a small penis. I say, shoot away, and when in doubt, carry a squirting water bottle for assistance.
Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 01:11 PM
but thats not neccessarily true either. even with rifles, rifling only helps to a certain extent. it doesnt actually speed up the projectile, it just helps it cut the air and maintain a more straight trajectory.

after a certain length, it ceases to aid the bullet or...piss, actually slowing it down. so while the urine would be getting more spin on it, it wouldnt actually be travelling all that fast.

a squirt bottle isnt a bad idea though. like a massive squirt bottle fed by an extra tank on your back. just straight all out superpiss for 5+ minutes. people would probably stick around waiting for it to stop.
Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 02:53 AM
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA. That is a great suggestion!
Comment posted on September 9th, 2004 at 01:01 AM
you may be a loser in the pissing contest, but you're a winner in life