Man, sometimes I just feel so lonesome. I guess it's a part of growing older ... the feeling of being "alone" in the world. I fear that I won't find that one person I'll be able to click with and be able to spend the rest of my life with ... to find that person to who can share my burdens and my joys during the highs and lows of my life.

Sometimes I'm very cynical when it comes to girls. I think they're pretty much the same. But who am I kidding? I'm not that different from most of the guys I know. I'm not unique, yet I long for a unique girl who will make my life special.

Maybe it's just a futile search.

All I know is I've just pent up a lot of feelings lately. I don't really have a release ... no one cares or understands half of what I ramble about (technical computer stuff) ... and the other times I feel my problems aren't enough to burden my friends with.

I definitely feel my journal has grown cold and non-personal; half the time, it reads like a .plan and the other times it's just random foolishness I spout to fill the void of the journal ... like a clean blackboard that needs to be written on, I feel the need to write in the journal.

So I'm going to try to commit myself to write more about my personal stuff on here ... to those casual readers, don't worry, I won't force you to get Tabulas and get me to add you as a friend; my entries are almost all public (regardless of their sensitivity).

It's a lonely world.
Currently listening to: maroon 5's She Will Be Loved
Posted by roy on January 22, 2004 at 01:48 AM in Personal | 7 Comments

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Comment posted on January 23rd, 2004 at 12:45 PM
Your current idealism is a result of your youth. When the sky is the limit you can afford to be choosy. As you get older the stuff that seems important in a mate will change. Some people, as they get older, lower their standards, fearing the taboo "being alone". Others modify standards, bending and twisting them to "fit" whoever comes along. Then there's those who refuse to settle for second best and remain single, looking for that elusive soul mate.

Now is the time to explore all your options, enjoy all the women you meet and savour life as if it will never end.

If you keep an open mind and heart, pushing aside outdated gender and cultural stereotypes, you will find the person you're meant to be with.

Btw, glad to hear you aren't going to hide your posts behind a Friends Only label. I enjoy reading them. :)

MacDaddyTatsu (guest)

Comment posted on January 23rd, 2004 at 01:43 PM
What T. said is great stuff.

Also your winky may be looking for a supermodel when your soul is telling you that you need look for a companion. Trust your soul...its a lot more level headed than your winky.

MacDaddyTatsu (guest)

Comment posted on January 22nd, 2004 at 07:59 PM
I care, Royo, but Im a dude so...
Comment posted on January 22nd, 2004 at 05:03 PM
She will come to you at a time you least expect it to happen. Like you, I was cynical and jaded. Then he found me. Hope you find her or vice versa.
Comment posted on January 22nd, 2004 at 08:02 AM
all i can tell you is to try to put yourself out there. beyond that, it will just happen. in my opinion, its beyond your control, make yourself available and something will fall into your lap.

at least thats how i think it works :)
Comment posted on January 22nd, 2004 at 07:09 AM
even with that someone, it's still a lonely world. =)

Z (guest)

Comment posted on January 22nd, 2004 at 06:56 AM
Yo roy, i'm sure there is a nice petite Korean Girl for you out there. She wears glasses, likes Kimchi, and enjoys building webpages. The fun part is finding her since she's probably an antisocializer like you. So one of you has do go out and search for the other party.